Today we're talking about ever present "shoulds."
Last week, we had a sabbatical week here at When You Lead and it was one of the most profound breaks that I have ever had. The amount of purging that we did as a family, the amount of emotional release that I did personally, the amount of clarity that has come in from my business...phenomenal.
It was a really great reminder for me to take intentional breaks. It was really a great reminder that I want and crave that creative time. I get up between 4:30 and 5 am every day. That is a sacred sacred time.
I have not always been this way. I was an absolute night owl growing up and through college. This is beautiful quiet time in the morning, before my phone is on, before anyone is up in my home. It's a really saturated energy. And part of what I do during this morning spaciousness is I write. I write a lot. Some of what I write is in a gratitude journal. This works for me and I love it.
Now, you have probably been...
One question I hear a lot when I’m speaking with potential clients goes something like, “what’s wrong with me?” I think that’s such an interesting question. Typically, the reason they’re asking this is because from the outside looking in, it looks like they have everything going for them: the career, the partnership, the home, and everything else that makes a “picture perfect” life. So then why do they feel this way?
Alternatively, they have so much going on in their jobs, home, and community, that they can’t possibly keep all the balls in the air. So instead of asking “what’s gotta give?” they ask questions like “what’s wrong with me, and why can’t I keep up with everything?” There’s this self-accusation that is rampant amongst high achievers and high performers. Turns out, “what is wrong with me?” is simply the wrong question to be asking.
In my line of work, my clients encounter many of the same crossroads. I work primarily with people who are in their late 30s, early 40s and into their 50s, and they’re usually in the season of life where they’ve checked all the boxes. The boxes go something like this: finish college, get married, have kids, maybe get divorced, maybe start a business. Once all the boxes have been checked, many times they sit back and think…
“I’m so overwhelmed, and yet so bored. What should I do now?”
“I’ve done everything that was expected of me, and I still don’t feel the way I was promised to feel”
“I’ve checked all the boxes, and this life isn’t actually what I want.”
There is this overarching feeling of somehow they did it wrong, and that maybe there’s something wrong with them. There are all these feelings that might be flooding them: failure, overwhelm, dullness.
Today I am taking you inside my journal. I've been tripping down memory lane for a little while looking for clues, confirmation, and growth. I’m going to take you to 2005. I had graduated college and I was working in my first “real” job.
I like to tell people that this was my drug dealing phase, because I was a pharmaceutical rep. To set the stage: It was a “perfect” first job. I was given a car, a phone, all the benefits, a 401k, and had flexibility and freedom. But what made it imperfect was that I was doing something that I didn't love. It was very status quo- on the outside, it looked like exactly the job that I should want to have. It fit the definition of societal success. And yet, I had this really hollow feeling even during the interview process, even when they were flying me all over for these extra interviews. I’m not going to lie - I did feel really cool, but I didn't feel fulfilled. I didn't feel that inner click. As I'm reading...
Do you have a favorite way to process your emotions, life circumstances, and thoughts? I do. I have been journaling since I was a little kid. I have found journaling to be an amazing way for me to connect with my feelings and thoughts. It's a clarifying exercise that I have found highly beneficial throughout my whole life. In the past few days, I have been celebrating a season of growth here within my company. I’ve been reflecting and asking the universe, “can you just show me how far I've come?”
Not only do I love writing in my journals, but I love going back and reading old ones, too. As I’ve been celebrating and reflecting on this season of growth at Lead From Within, I’ve been opening up my old journals and reading through them. I've been especially inviting perspective and clarity especially around my patterns and habits. If you stop and take a moment to notice, you’ll realize that we all have these very predictable patterns. I came...
There's this lie within the personal development/coaching world that once you get all of your ducks in a row, you're never going to have another problem again. Once you have your morning routine down, once you're eating well, once you're meditating regularly - the list goes on. Some people falsely believe that once all these things happen, they’ll never have a problem again. Sorry, but that’s just wrong. That's not life.
Life is about getting to know yourself on a deeper level and accepting yourself exactly as you are right now. Not waiting for when you lose 20 pounds. Not waiting for when you have your workout routine in place. Not waiting for when you get that promotion. It’s about accepting yourself fully in the present moment, without any exceptions.
You want to know how to be your best self, and how to be the best leader? You want to know how to heal your inner wounds? Love yourself as you are right this minute. You want a revolution? You want a sacred...
Let's talk about imposter syndrome, shall we? This topic has been showing itself so much inside of Lead From Within recently. I find something so fascinating about impostor syndrome and its symptoms. What are the common symptoms?: 1) You feel like a phony. You feel like if someone were to find out who you actually are, they'd reject you. 2) You feel like there's no possible way that you are qualified for the position that you're in. Maybe you don’t feel good enough for your partner, or you might feel like you’re a terrible mom. Sound familiar?
It feels like there's an imposter syndrome pandemic (too soon to use that trigger word?). So many incredible, high-achieving women are doubting themselves rather than celebrating their achievements in life. I’ve seen so many amazing women get derailed from their path because they let imposter syndrome take the wheel. The problem is, imposter syndrome makes women doubt their capabilities and let fear control their...
Here at Lead From Within, there are three words that guide our work and how we achieve our biggest dreams. These sacred words are confidence, clarity, and direction. These three sacred words help carve our paths, and give us all the tools we need to unlocking our greatest goals and desires.
Let’s break these down:
Have you ever said, “I'm just so confused”?
When I speak with new clients, I typically hear a lot of the same issues. One is, “I'm just so confused. I don't know which way to go”. They also come with phrases like, “I just wish I had a crystal ball. I wish I knew which way to go. I wish I had more clarity”. But here’s the thing: before you gain clarity, you have to do something else first.
The secret to unlocking that clarity lies in another word: confusion. What?! How?! Well, keep reading.
Inside my group program, the Inner Circle, the topic we are talking about right now is clarity. And here's the really awesome/terrible news: clarity begins with confusion.
Let me give you a metaphor for this:
I was a massage therapist for a dozen years. I had a lot of people that would come in with back pain. They would point to all their painful spots and would say, “it hurts here”. And I would say “Ok. But I'm...