One question I hear a lot when I’m speaking with potential clients goes something like, “what’s wrong with me?” I think that’s such an interesting question. Typically, the reason they’re asking this is because from the outside looking in, it looks like they have everything going for them: the career, the partnership, the home, and everything else that makes a “picture perfect” life. So then why do they feel this way?
Alternatively, they have so much going on in their jobs, home, and community, that they can’t possibly keep all the balls in the air. So instead of asking “what’s gotta give?” they ask questions like “what’s wrong with me, and why can’t I keep up with everything?” There’s this self-accusation that is rampant amongst high achievers and high performers. Turns out, “what is wrong with me?” is simply the wrong question to be asking.
Coaching, I’ve found, is all about asking the right questions, and in the right sequence. If you ask, “what’s wrong with me?” your smart brain is going to go looking for the answer to that specific question. The brain is going to sift through all of the imaginary files and it’s going to find an answer. It’ll find it, and it’s not going to make you feel good about yourself. I suggest reframing that question, and asking something different: “what’s obvious about me?” It’s tricky, but it’s a really beautiful coaching question.
“What’s obvious about me?”
Inside Lead From Within, we talk about owning your obvious. I’ll give you some examples, with me as the subject. What’s obvious about me is that 1) I like to talk. 2) I’m insatiably curious, and I have a ton of questions. I genuinely want to know it all. 3) I’m a partner - I have a wonderful marriage to my husband, Mike. 4) I’m a mom, and 5) a business owner. A lot of times we don’t give ourselves credit for what’s obvious. We take a lot of that stuff for granted.
If you’re leading from what is obvious about you, you can start looking at your life with fresh eyes. You can start to ask, “what does it mean that I am a ‘know it all’? What does it mean that I’m insatiably curious, or that I’m a mom? What does it mean that I’m in this partnership that I love?” You start to uncover more of your strengths, and what is obvious about you. What is obvious about you is not always obvious about other people. You are a unique human being having this ridiculously complex experience. Holy crap do I have a lot of questions if I get to talk to someone on the other side.
One of the things we do inside Lead From Within is help you come home to yourself more fully, (maybe for the first time) to own your obvious, to feel really confident about what is obvious about you. The world needs what’s obvious and unique about you. It needs more leaders who are leading with their obvious.
Make your obvious fuller, richer, and more filled with your essence. Stop trying to overcome it. If you’re a talker, find a way to talk more in the world. If you’re a connector, find a way to connect more people in the world. Own your obvious and then organize your life around that. You don’t have to struggle against the things you aren’t good at, but instead, you should lean into the things you ARE good at. Inside Lead From Within, we talk about the eight different categories of your life and how we can align you in each of those areas to own your obvious and to feel more sacredly yourself. If this resonates with you, I want to know you. If you want to own your obvious, if you want to put that into action, I got your back. Message me and let's talk.