One question I hear a lot when I’m speaking with potential clients goes something like, “what’s wrong with me?” I think that’s such an interesting question. Typically, the reason they’re asking this is because from the outside looking in, it looks like they have everything going for them: the career, the partnership, the home, and everything else that makes a “picture perfect” life. So then why do they feel this way?
Alternatively, they have so much going on in their jobs, home, and community, that they can’t possibly keep all the balls in the air. So instead of asking “what’s gotta give?” they ask questions like “what’s wrong with me, and why can’t I keep up with everything?” There’s this self-accusation that is rampant amongst high achievers and high performers. Turns out, “what is wrong with me?” is simply the wrong question to be asking.
In my line of work, my clients encounter many of the same crossroads. I work primarily with people who are in their late 30s, early 40s and into their 50s, and they’re usually in the season of life where they’ve checked all the boxes. The boxes go something like this: finish college, get married, have kids, maybe get divorced, maybe start a business. Once all the boxes have been checked, many times they sit back and think…
“I’m so overwhelmed, and yet so bored. What should I do now?”
“I’ve done everything that was expected of me, and I still don’t feel the way I was promised to feel”
“I’ve checked all the boxes, and this life isn’t actually what I want.”
There is this overarching feeling of somehow they did it wrong, and that maybe there’s something wrong with them. There are all these feelings that might be flooding them: failure, overwhelm, dullness.
Today I am taking you inside my journal. I've been tripping down memory lane for a little while looking for clues, confirmation, and growth. I’m going to take you to 2005. I had graduated college and I was working in my first “real” job.
I like to tell people that this was my drug dealing phase, because I was a pharmaceutical rep. To set the stage: It was a “perfect” first job. I was given a car, a phone, all the benefits, a 401k, and had flexibility and freedom. But what made it imperfect was that I was doing something that I didn't love. It was very status quo- on the outside, it looked like exactly the job that I should want to have. It fit the definition of societal success. And yet, I had this really hollow feeling even during the interview process, even when they were flying me all over for these extra interviews. I’m not going to lie - I did feel really cool, but I didn't feel fulfilled. I didn't feel that inner click. As I'm reading...
There's this lie within the personal development/coaching world that once you get all of your ducks in a row, you're never going to have another problem again. Once you have your morning routine down, once you're eating well, once you're meditating regularly - the list goes on. Some people falsely believe that once all these things happen, they’ll never have a problem again. Sorry, but that’s just wrong. That's not life.
Life is about getting to know yourself on a deeper level and accepting yourself exactly as you are right now. Not waiting for when you lose 20 pounds. Not waiting for when you have your workout routine in place. Not waiting for when you get that promotion. It’s about accepting yourself fully in the present moment, without any exceptions.
You want to know how to be your best self, and how to be the best leader? You want to know how to heal your inner wounds? Love yourself as you are right this minute. You want a revolution? You want a sacred...
Have you ever said, “I'm just so confused”?
When I speak with new clients, I typically hear a lot of the same issues. One is, “I'm just so confused. I don't know which way to go”. They also come with phrases like, “I just wish I had a crystal ball. I wish I knew which way to go. I wish I had more clarity”. But here’s the thing: before you gain clarity, you have to do something else first.
The secret to unlocking that clarity lies in another word: confusion. What?! How?! Well, keep reading.
Inside my group program, the Inner Circle, the topic we are talking about right now is clarity. And here's the really awesome/terrible news: clarity begins with confusion.
Let me give you a metaphor for this:
I was a massage therapist for a dozen years. I had a lot of people that would come in with back pain. They would point to all their painful spots and would say, “it hurts here”. And I would say “Ok. But I'm...